YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
