Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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