i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize