You really coming over, don't trick.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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