I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
