I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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