And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
