Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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