I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
