I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
