I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
