last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
