6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
