I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
