YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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