Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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