Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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