C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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