I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
