I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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