My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
