I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
