I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
there is glitter all over my balls
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