Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
