I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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