Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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