I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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