just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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