I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize