I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
