id be glad to
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
