Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She even gives head with a lisp.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize