Just took my morning after pill in the library
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
