We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm at about main and main street
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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