So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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