The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
