Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You can't motorboat a personality
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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