About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
