Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize