I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
