it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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