he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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