Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We talked him into tasing himself.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
