Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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