Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
