I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
