Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
