It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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