Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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