...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
