She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
