just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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