I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
