Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
