just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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