i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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