She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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