Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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