I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
