I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
