I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
