Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
