you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
