u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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