you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
