I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
