The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
