i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
